The following was written by a puppy-man, for other puppy-men and puppy-women. The information contained here is not to be disclosed to humans.
As you grow older, it’s important to learn how to best play with sticks.
Today, I will be offering some basics do’s and don’ts to stick playing; I will also integrate how to best play with sticks in the presence of Your Person. I’ve included pictures to illustrate my vast experience.
Sticks come in a lot of different shapes, sizes, and flavors. While you gain experience with sticks from each category, you will learn which sticks are your favorite. But, do not rush the process. Give yourself time to try chewing, carrying, licking, and sniffing lots of different sticks.
Try chewing on sticks in different weather conditions, as their texture changes.
With smaller sticks, the goal is to chew the stick into tiny pieces.
–worry about the rug or the floor. ever.
–be afraid to look foolish
–try to look cute while you’re playing with sticks. Your Person will be more likely to let you play with sticks if you do it while looking cute.
–try to sneak contraband into the house. This can be a tiny twig or even something more sizable. He who sneaks the most sticks into the house wins, even if it is just for a few moments before it’s confiscated.
I would like to conclude today with my thoughts about large sticks.
With larger sticks, the goal is to gnaw off all the bark. It’s easiest to begin at the end of the stick.
There are different ways to carry large sticks. Remember this important fact: how you carry the stick demonstrates your manliness and perseverance.
Let Your Person throw the stick for you. He also views it as a sign of manliness.
Let him rub your belly.
Remember, this is important stick-playing protocol.
Humans think it’s funny when your ears flop and fly, so don’t be afraid to let ’em rip (remember who rubs your belly).
When you become an accomplished Stick Master, you will be able to carry the stick in balance.