{Grateful}

Baaaaaah

Sometimes I have moments of brilliant revelation.  They always happen in the same place: the shower.  For some reason the shower is an incredibly revelatory place for me.  It’s also a place of cleansing (ha!  I couldn’t resist).  But seriously… these are the conclusions that I came up with this morning in the shower.  It was a very productive shower.
 

God is teaching me that I am a sheep.  

 
Several events have led me to this conclusion.  The first, and most difficult has been learning that Jared and I do not have summer employment.  Quite simply, La Vida did not have room for us on their Adirondack summer staff.  Our commitment with La Vida will expire in the middle of May.  We do not know what or where we are going at that time.
 
Second, we are trying (quickly!  March 1st deadline is pounding down the door) to finish graduate school applications.  Yesterday I was talking with my mom and she asked me what we will do if neither of us get accepted to any of these schools.  “WHAT???!!!”  I had not thought of that possibility until she said that.  
 
If you know me well, or even if you don’t know me well, you know that I worry.  I am a chronic worrier.  Taking mental responsibility, turning an issue over and over and over again in my mind examining all possible scenarios is one of my best skills.  I can mentally tie myself into a giant knot with worry.
 
But in the last couple days, yes, even after the sudden realization that grad school might not be in our immediate future, I am sick of worrying.   I am not sure this has ever happened to me before.  It is exhausting to hang on to all the possibilities, trying to figure out all the puzzle pieces.  And it should be!  It is not my job.  I’m sicking of worrying.  I’m done with it.  And for now, I’m going to hold onto that.
 
A couple nights ago I was reading Psalm 100.  I’ve heard it dozens of times (my mom’s family reads it every Thanksgiving) and never found it particularly earth shattering.  
 
But humor me.  Read it again.  Read it through my chronic worrying eyes:
 
Psalm 100
A psalm. For giving grateful praise.


 1 Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. 

2 Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.


3 Know that the LORD is God. 

It is he who made us, and we are his; 


we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.



 4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name. 



5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

 

 
 
 
I am a sheep.  Sheep aren’t very bright.  In fact, sheep are pretty dumb.  Check out this sheep, it has feces and dirt stuck to it’s face.
 
Jared told me last night that if he were a sheep, he would constantly be following the shepherd around asking, “So, where’s the next pasture?”  Then he did a great impression (I hope God thinks it’s great) of God saying, “Boy, eat the greens in this pasture before we move on”.   Enough said.
 
 
The color of my nails right now.  This color was supposed to be gloriously displayed on my toes through super cute strappy shoes on our wedding day.  Instead I was wearing wool socks, leggings, and moccasins (yes, I was wearing moccasins.  I also discovered that I had inadvertently left capri pants over my leggings under my dress.  The whole afternoon.  Ha.  It was really cold, if you’ll remember.  I blame the weather.  Aren’t you glad you’re reading this post?)
A crock pot cooking this glorious granola right now.  It was supposed to be a small batch.  But then, one bag of nuts led to another and another… and my 6 quart crock is FULL.   I hope Deborah wants to eat granola this weekend…
A new pair of shoes!  We got these on an REI parking lot sale a couple weekends ago.  We got two pairs of shoes, one fleece, one athletic top, and a pair of gloves (apparently I left mine in the Camry in Michigan.  My talk with mom answered so many questions yesterday).  Parking lot sale gear is all either gently used/unused but returned/broken so it’s marked down to incredible prices.  Combined with some gift cards (thanks Grandma Goose and Deborah!!!!) we spent twenty bucks.  On all those items.  I’m a blessed little sheep.
Well, would you look at that.  My diploma came this week.  I was too sick to appreciate it until today.  I’m feeling better.  It’s nice.  It has my name on it.  
As I said, I’ve been sick.  This guy has been taking wonderful care of me with mom-like patience and attention.  But even more, this particular pasture is teaching us to work through the small frustrations we might have with each other and how to be better friends.  He’s pretty great.  I like him.  A lot.
Snowshoeing!!  Hehe… Jared’s all squinty eyed.  
 
Being a feces-face-sheep has gives me freedom to rejoice and be thankful.  I am thankful, for material things, for relationships, for God’s faithfulness.   (I can’t help this next sentence, it’s just going to have to be said)  I hope you’re having a sunny, thankful day as well!
 
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2 thoughts on “Baaaaaah

  1. oh Mary! I so wish I could sit down with you over coffee! But the interwebs is the next best thing, I suppose. If indeed you are drinking coffee right now. Anyway, Love you! I think I am in the midst of this somewhat too…transition and purgatory is such a hard place to live! Praying God continues to grant you peace!

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  2. Dear Mary. I love reading your blog, it makes me smile! You sound just like you and I like that (some people sound different when they write) It's practically like we're haveing a conversation, only you're doing all the talking. =P I just want you to know 2 things: Actually, 3 things:1. Facebook is ruining my life. Because I keep trying to "like" things, your blog posts included. It is a dissapointing feeling when you really want to like something, then realize that you can't.2. I chose to comment on this post because right from the very beginning it put the sheep song in my head. I just wanna be a sheep, bah, bah bah, bah. . . 3. I miss you!-Sammie

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