Sometimes I have moments of brilliant revelation. They always happen in the same place: the shower. For some reason the shower is an incredibly revelatory place for me. It’s also a place of cleansing (ha! I couldn’t resist). But seriously… these are the conclusions that I came up with this morning in the shower. It was a very productive shower.
God is teaching me that I am a sheep.
Several events have led me to this conclusion. The first, and most difficult has been learning that Jared and I do not have summer employment. Quite simply, La Vida did not have room for us on their Adirondack summer staff. Our commitment with La Vida will expire in the middle of May. We do not know what or where we are going at that time.
Second, we are trying (quickly! March 1st deadline is pounding down the door) to finish graduate school applications. Yesterday I was talking with my mom and she asked me what we will do if neither of us get accepted to any of these schools. “WHAT???!!!” I had not thought of that possibility until she said that.
If you know me well, or even if you don’t know me well, you know that I worry. I am a chronic worrier. Taking mental responsibility, turning an issue over and over and over again in my mind examining all possible scenarios is one of my best skills. I can mentally tie myself into a giant knot with worry.
But in the last couple days, yes, even after the sudden realization that grad school might not be in our immediate future, I am sick of worrying. I am not sure this has ever happened to me before. It is exhausting to hang on to all the possibilities, trying to figure out all the puzzle pieces. And it should be! It is not my job. I’m sicking of worrying. I’m done with it. And for now, I’m going to hold onto that.
A couple nights ago I was reading Psalm 100. I’ve heard it dozens of times (my mom’s family reads it every Thanksgiving) and never found it particularly earth shattering.
But humor me. Read it again. Read it through my chronic worrying eyes:
A psalm. For giving grateful praise.
1 Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
2 Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
3 Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
I am a sheep. Sheep aren’t very bright. In fact, sheep are pretty dumb. Check out this sheep, it has feces and dirt stuck to it’s face.
|A crock pot cooking this glorious granola right now. It was supposed to be a small batch. But then, one bag of nuts led to another and another… and my 6 quart crock is FULL. I hope Deborah wants to eat granola this weekend…|
|Well, would you look at that. My diploma came this week. I was too sick to appreciate it until today. I’m feeling better. It’s nice. It has my name on it.|
|Snowshoeing!! Hehe… Jared’s all squinty eyed.|
Being a feces-face-sheep has gives me freedom to rejoice and be thankful. I am thankful, for material things, for relationships, for God’s faithfulness. (I can’t help this next sentence, it’s just going to have to be said) I hope you’re having a sunny, thankful day as well!